i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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