Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
