he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
