please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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