I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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