I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
