Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
