I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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