Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
