i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
