so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
