i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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