I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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