I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
