You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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