went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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