dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
