i just had sex bonerless
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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