Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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