Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Drunk is a universal language darling
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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