I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
