I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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