Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
