Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
