It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
