From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
