I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
