sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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