I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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