Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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