No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
