I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
