JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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