can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
