just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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