"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
