You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
