No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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