Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
