Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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