So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
