Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
