Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
