Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
