we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
