he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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