I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
