your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
