i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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