areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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